Not One of You

Over the past 5 years I have gained 40 pounds. 40 pounds in 5 years. It only amounts to an additional 8 pounds a year which isn’t even a pound a month. But somehow that gain of less than a pound a month took me from a size 10 to a size 16. Being a size 16 is significant. It makes you shop in specialty stores. Stores for large women. Stores where the smallest article of clothing is 14-16 (although fitting into a 14-16 there doesn’t mean you can run back to a regular store and fit into a 14. In these specialty stores, 14s somehow fit better).

My first venture into a specialty store occurred because I needed a pair of jeans. It felt good to pick up the smallest size they sold, the 14-16. I proudly headed to the counter, strutting past a woman carrying size 28 jeans. “Now SHE is big,” I thought to myself.
I was like a vacationer in this store, a transitory visitor who was there for the time being, but would never return. Surely my weight gain was only temporary. In fact, I thought I’d pick up a pair of shorts because I would start running again the next day. I felt better than the rest of these women as I was just over the edge into obesity. I was 14-16..not 28, 24 or even size 20. I caught a patron starring at me. Perhaps she thought I was purchasing the jeans for a much heavier friend or relative?

At the checkout, the plus size cashier was friendly and stylish. I smiled back but made little conversation. The saleswomen finished ringing in my jeans. She looked at me with her best retail smile as she offered, “You can save 20% on this purchase today if you sign up for our store credit card.” Her words echoed in my head…“our store credit card..credit card…”
This women clearly thought I would be shopping there again. Indignantly, I refused the offer and quickly signed the receipt. I grabbed my bag and rushed out of the store. I stormed past the stairs to the escalator in the mall. As I rode down to the ground level I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. The size 16 me. Carrying a shopping bag emblazoned with the name Lane Bryant in the LARGEST letters I had ever seen.